Off of generated power and hurricane-free we begin without further ado:
New England 31 – Buffalo 17 : Testing 1, 2, 3… 17, 18, 19?
Well, the Pats sure know how to win! Sometimes I just like to state the obvious. After tying the consecutive win record for regular and post season play, Brady and company must be wondering where the Yellow Brick Road ends. The best part of this journey is that the 0-4 Miami Dolphins have an opportunity to throw out the stop-sticks. The Fins never did reach 18 in a row but they do boast as the only NFL franchise to go undefeated in a season (17-0).
Gameball: The NE offensive line. The front is one of the best in the game and allows Brady, Dillon and the rest of the skill position players to make it look easy.
Philadelphia 19 – Chicago 9 : Even on their worst day…
OK, the Eagles are pretty damn good. I was waiting for the letdown but apparently the Mean Green wasn’t willing to comply. McDonovan threw his first pick of the year and various other mistakes were made but a win is a win is a win. The Cubbies were stymied until it was too late to matter. On a personal note, I started T. Jones over Westbrook – the difference between a win and loss in FFL is all too often a Saturday night bender.
Gameball: Westbook for 178 all-purpose yardage and grinding out the clock.
Cleveland 17 – Washington 13 : Brownies Dish Out Capitol Punishment
It was an ugly game in an ugly city. No pretty plays, no monster stats, just an old-school beat-em-up that was just plain ugly. Uglier than a child borne from the nasty-dance between now roommates ‘Gitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav. Ex-Jet Mark Gastineau cries himself to sleep these days. So does Sly.
Gameball: Butch Davis for out-coaching a master of the game, whom I surely hope buys a stopwatch soon. Clock management once again plagues a once great leader.
NY Giants 14 – Green Bay 7 : G-Men Sack the Pack
Poor Brett Favre has a heart that would make the Tin-Man kill for. He reportedly didn’t even remember the 28 yard TD pass to J. Walker before the docs gave him the permanent hook for the remainder of the contest. Unfortunately for Cheeseheads everywhere, when the heart is removed, the body dies. One man does not a championship win and the Giants are quick to prove that even the closest of victories still feel good. On a lighter note, Warner will think twice before he slides into home again before the catcher is blocking the plate.
Gameball: Tiki cursed Packers fans like the Brady Bunch on their Hawaiian vacation. 196 total yards including an answering 52 yard TD trot earn him the honors this week.
Houston 30 – Oakland 17 : Kerry Loses in Texas (Headline of the Future?)
So I couldn’t resist! There’s more where that came from. Seriously though, Collins had more turnovers than a Senator Kerry stance. Five giveaways in 60 minutes is a bit unnerving given the leadership responsibilities he is charged with. The Raiders QB wasn’t much better on Sunday. Famous Amos came out of nowhere to be the offense for the Black and Silver with a startling 117 yards rushing and 2 TDs.
Gameball: The Houston Texans. They played well as a team and won as a team. It is going to be exciting to watch the Horns develop as the season progresses and watch where they place in a very strong AFC South division.
Indianapolis 24 – Jacksonville 17 : Close Only Counts In Horseshoes and Hand Grenades – Not Jax
Wow – what a game! This very well could have been an AFC Championship preview. So, what have we learned? Manning is a must start even if he undergoes reconstructive knee surgery on Friday and that Leftwich is going to be a pretty darn good QB himself in time. Edge is Mr. Consistent and Glass Freddie is Mr. Disappointment. The Jags D is tough and the Colts D is not. To my friend who said to pass on Stokley as a FA – bite me.
Gameball: Peyton. Period.
Pittsburgh 28 – Cincinnati 17 : Steelers Steal Win
Crap. Crap in a hat. 1-3 will be very difficult for the aspiring Bengals (and if I see one more Bungles reference… Grrrrrrrr) to overcome. Call me a glutton for punishment but I really do look for the silver lining to have stripes. Enough of my personal anguish - the Steelers are flat-out decent again. I can’t believe I had to type that, but I give credit where it’s due. Palmer has the skills, not the experience to get it done. Roethlisberger is very fortunate to have a strong D and a solid skill core to mature him at a rate that should build his confidence weekly. A late INT and 26 yard return for a TD ices this one.
Gameball: Although on the L column side of results, Rudi Johnson did have statistically the best game of all participants with 123 on the ground (a 5.1 per clip) and 1 TD. He is going to get the beat-down until Carson gets his sea legs.
Arizona 34 – New Orleans 10 : New QB, Emmitt?
See what happens when you assume? Yeah, me too. What the heck is going on around the NFL? I know I joked around in week one about the geriatric league coming back to haunt us naysayers, but whoa – who’d-a-thunk that they would kick us in the proverbial FFL nards? These guys are seriously pissed at the keeper league GMs that kicked ‘em to the curb prematurely. Emmitt, my hat is off to you sir. As for the game there was not much to speak of short of Denny Green and the boys taking care of business.
Gameball: Duh. Emmitt’s Jug Band Christmas comes early this year. For those of you living in caves, he threw his one and only pass in his career for a TD. And, oh yeah, he ran for 127 yards and a score too.
In the interest of time I am abbreviating the game wrap-ups by awarding the gameballs:
Atlanta 27 - Carolina 10 : Dirty Bird is the Word
Gameball: The Hotlanta D for elevating the Falcons to a perfect 4-0 record.
NY Jets 17 - Miami 9 : Fins Bombed Out of the Water
Gameball: Curtis Martin for his 131 total yards and a score.
San Diego 38 - Tennessee 17 : Titans Electrocuted
Gameball: It ain't easy being Brees-ey. Drew tossed 3 TDs with an 80% accuracy rating.
Denver 16 - Tampa Bay 13 : Buccos Trampled to Winlessness
Gameball: No one. This game stunk. OK, Jason Elam was alright - he can have it after 3 FGs.
St. Louis 24 - San Francisco 14 : Nowhere To Go But Up for Golddiggers
Gameball: T. Rattay for not giving up and actually putting up decent numbers even though most came after the game was out of reach.
Kansas City 27 - Baltimore 24 : Barely is Better Than Not at All
Gameball: Even against the scary Raven defense Holmes was able to crank out 125 yds rushing and 2 TDs.
In honor of Rodney Dangerfield...
Top 10 memorable quotes from Rodney Dangerfield’s career:
10. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
9. What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 while I was reading it.
8. My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sit in his lap - he was in the electric chair.
7. When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
6. My wife's got a face like a saint - a Saint Bernard.
5. When I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
4. I have three kids, one of each.
3. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
2. I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
1. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
The Machine Surefire Locks of the Week!
Vikings over Texans
Colts over Raiders
Pats over Fins
Packers over Titans
Well there you have it!
Shutting down,
The Machine |
|